The Little Engine That Can't

This book sits on my sons' nightstand among LEGOS and matchbox cars. Actually, as you can see, two copies of this book sit on my sons' nightstand.  If you have only ever read the abridged version, good for you. If you have the full version, I'm sorry. It goes on forever doesn't it.  I cry a little when he picks the long version.

We're all familiar with the story even if we haven't read it. A train can't make it over the mountain and the contents of the train (toys, stuffed animals, a toy clown) try to find an alternate ride.  If only Uber worked for trains.  In the end a little blue engine comes along that thinks she can so she does. YAY! Happy ending right? It totally is. Don't worry, I'm not going to ruin it.

But have you ever read the story from the first engine's perspective? Or do you read it from the little blue engine's?  The focus is usually on the Little Blue Engine. "I think I can." The phrase, "If you think you can you can," is one used in our house all the time.  We want to be the one that saves the day. We want to be the one that overcomes. We all want to be the Little Blue Engine but sometimes we are undoubtedly the first engine in the story.

I was so exhausted one night but by the grace of God was obedient to reading to my son (please don't pick the long version).  Reading through the story for the millionth time, suddenly God gave me different eyes. 

The first train was carrying wonderful things to the kids on the other side of the mountain: food, toys, stuffed animals.  That's a lot of stuff it has to pull behind. The mission is a good one but it can get heavy.  I have an amazing journey, we each do, but there are a lot of things we pull with us.

No matter what stage of life we're in we have a mission and there are things we must bring with us for these missions.  And these things can get heavy.  I think we've all been in that place.  The place where we just need someone. Maybe we don't want the train to take our load but to just come along side us.  We want to keep going but we have stopped with a jerk and simply cannot go another inch.

Three different trains come along right.  We could dissect and analyze these trains forever but just go with me here.  Each train is at it's own stage and we're not gonna blame them for not helping.  We don't know their story.  We each have our own journey and that night, in my journey I was that first, tired engine.

Most days I feel like the last engine (the tired, rusty, old engine) but this night, I hadn't even completed my trip. I couldn't get through my day. I couldn't even muster, "I like I can." I was Phoebe in FRIENDS.  I didn't even have a pla- (Do you have a plan?). I couldn't even ask for help. The funny little clown had to do it for me.

Finally along came this little engine who didn't have a load to carry. She had a job. She had an important job. She switched trains in the yard. But she saw a need and she tried.  She knew she could do more than what other trains expected of her and so she pushed herself.

Now I don't want "Little Blue" to take my load. I love my load. Maybe she could just go in front of me chug, chugging and puff, puffing, "I think we can. I think WE can."  These "Little Blue" friends are amazing and I'm insanely grateful for my "Little Blues" but lets look back at the first engine.

Am I alone in this? Am I the only one who read "The Little Engine That Could" and cried feeling like the first engine and so happy "Little Blue" came along? I mean usually I'm all, "Yay Little Blue. I think I can too! Let's do this!" But what am I suppose to do when I am that first engine?

Those magical words, "self care," are ringing in your ears aren't they.  If you're like me when you hear "self care" you visualize a day at the spa being completely pampered but for most of us that's just not realistic.  We can relate to the scene in "Bad Moms" when the "fantasize" about a minor car accident so they get to be "pampered" in the hospital (just to be clear we don't really want that to happen). So what are some practical ways to take care of yourself?

My favorite is a book and a cup of coffee. Even that doesn't happen very often.  A coffee date with a friend maybe. The one that lets you out from the inside. Some days we might be able to treat yourself to a shopping spree or a spa day but be content in the warm cup of coffee now too.

When we are in the circus, finding time for self care requires more sacrifice than wrangling the lion.  But if we don't find that time we will sacrifice something much greater.