1.11.2017

Hello From the Inside

Well hello.

It has been quite a while but that is how it is when we choose this life. We choose less of us for more of everything else. We choose crazy, busy, messy, love. We wouldn't change it for anything. In the midst of this anything though we have our moments.

Moments of loneliness. Moments of exhaustion. Moments of missing.  We miss all sorts of things: friends, warm coffee (forget hot), showers at our own pace, naps, even uninterrupted bathroom breaks.  We know, "this is a season." We know, "this too shall pass." We know, "enjoy it while it lasts." We know this and we do but I want to say something to those single friends, young married friends without children and even the ones with children whether your children are old or young or all over the range.

Thank you.

When you sent that silly text that had nothing to do with anything, thank you.  When you didn't get upset because it took me 3 hours to respond to said text, thank you.  When you came to my house with my circus in full swing and joined in or kept up our conversation pretending there wasn't a circus, thank you.  When you walked through Target with me and my circus and let me juggle my mom and girlfriend hat (actually holding one while I wore the other), thank you.  When you let our coffee date turn into a playdate, thank you.

Thank you for loving my kids and if you don't thank you for pretending to love them so well for me.  Thank you for letting me juggle and helping me juggle. Thank you for living life with me when I don't get to have my own life.  It is hard, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

It is hard.  I'm so grateful I get to join you when I can and you don't get upset when I can't.  I'm so grateful you understand my life is not my own but you still want to be part of it.  I'm so grateful you bring part of me out from the inside.

You see I live inside.  I live inside this mode of "Mom." I love "Mom" mode but you so wonderfully know there is so much more to me than that but also understand that "Mom" is so much of who I am. I live inside of diapers, potty trips, spills, picky eaters, chaos, pink plates and blue plates, chocolate milk, runny noses, bickering, tickle fights, burps and "toots" (trains or gas, you decide).  Most often my "getting out" still brings my clowns with me and when it does you laugh and play and make us feel loved.  And when it doesn't, we laugh hard, make messes and act like clowns ourselves.

So thank you.  Even when I'm still inside you open the door just a crack so I can see outside. You let the sun shine in and let me stand, arms open, eyes closed and feel the glorious sun.

Someday soon I'll step outside with you again, always keeping that door in the corner of my eye.  And when you are ready to stay inside, I will be there to open your door just a crack so you can see outside and feel that glorious sun.

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