Oh its for real.  Maybe I don't have to seek psychiatric help for my fear but it is completely irrational and at times apparently hilarious to my husband.

Every winter and spring I experience a rude awaking to my fear.  I'm completely aware of the statistic that there is always a spider within 3 feet of you and my goodness that is disgusting but I'm also very childlike and if I can't see it, it doesn't exist, or at least doesn't pose a threat.

If I'm alone or its just me and the kids, a very heavy shoe is my weapon of choice.  I can't use a plain old tissue because then I can feel the crunch and that's just nasty.  Plus I want to make sure I've gotten it.  What if my tissue missed it then I've just upset the spider?! Surely he will race after me in an attempt to devour me!  Then what will become of my children!  After confirmation of death, the poor thing gets scooped up and flushed.  I don't want to run the risk of it coming back to life.  If it did, the aforementioned race and devouring would surely take place.

My husband takes a much different approach.  He grabs a cup or container of some sort, a note pad, and traps the thing.  He carefully slides the note pad under the container and carries the creature outside for a peaceful release.  Usually my response is, "He'll be back tomorrow and he's going to be made I kicked him out."  I'm pretty sure Kyle has rolled his eyes at this most times, and rightfully so.

I spent hours one night before bed tracking the slow and steady progress of a very small, I confess, spider on its way from our ceiling, down to the desk, on to the desk chair, to the floor, and creepy crawly closer to my bed.  It was clear anytime he would stop moving for more than 5 minutes that he was re-planning his attack since he saw I was watching.  By the time he got within 3 feet of me the order was given to have him removed.  Thanks Kyle!  I didn't see him return the next day.

I remember my mom trying to "appreciate" spiders so I wouldn't develop a fear as well.  I'm not sure if her feelings are quite as strong as mine against spiders but she did try.  I'm not sure if I've even tried to express appreciation for spiders with Elle and Gabe.  I think I have squished far less when they are around, of course I keep my eye on the spider to make sure it doesn't draw a sword and charge.  They do that you know.

Twice in the last month I have apparently barged in on a garden spider making use of our bathroom.  How rude of me.  The first one was immediately squished and disposed of (toilet).  The second, just this last week, was a bit more challenging.  He took up residence in our sink.  The porcelain doesn't allow them to climb quite as well, but that does give them a creepier crawlier look.  Having been educated by my husband and the song Itsy Bitsy Spider, I knew the spider wouldn't drown in my sink but the angle was too awkward for a direct attack.  I regret that I hurt the planet twice that day; I ran the water for quite some time to ensure he at least wouldn't return while I was doing my business and its possible the spider was disposed of in the mean time.  Okay I don't regret it because I just can't stand them but I do apologize to my "green" friends.

Do you have an irrational fear you attempt to hide from you children in hopes of breaking the cycle?  Just remember how intuitive most kids are.  Just saying. :)


Vicki said...

I tried! In spite of my efforts with you and Stanley Spider in your room you managed to capture and script my phobia to the letter. How intuitive of you!

Noemi Hedrick said...

Basements don't help the situation!